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Assignments:

SUNDAY MIDNIGHT: narrative drafts due, with cover page

SeptemberTwentyFour: draft workshop

SeptemberTwentySixth: draft workshop

I remixed Lisa's, Amber's, and Sara's Here.

Cover Page:

Audience:

My audience for my narrative essay are people that care to hear about the struggle, the fun and the excitment of playing a sport such as hockey.

Purpose:

My purpose is to tell my story. I am telling people about my eleven year hockey career in which I was discriminated against for being a female.

Templates/tropes experimented with in the course of composing. WhY?

I also used websites in order to find photos and links for my narrative. The websites i used were Ice hockey and Roller hockey (inline).

Hi Tiffany,

After reading over your narrative, I found a few things that I believe could be changed to make the paper flow a little better. Your ideas

are great and the story that you have told is very interesting, but where is your play on definition? I felt like the paper might have been a little

more jumpy then it could have been. Perhaps revising your tone to a more professional one would improve the writing. The current tone is a bit

too relaxed. Below I have remixed your narrative making only minor changes in sentence structure and grammar. I will let you make any further

adjustments.

A. Herko

Narrative Revised:

It all started when I was about nine years old. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was getting ready for bed and I had just lain down to drift off into a dreamy slumber when my dad came in. He came in to my bedroom which I then shared with my older sister and asked both of us if we would like to play Roller hockey (inline). Unbeknownst to what my answer would hold for my future I said “yeah, I’ll play.” My sister, not being of must athleticism, declined the offer. The next week we went down to the rink and signed me up for my first season. My brothers had played the season before which is kind of how I started playing in the first place.

My first season playing hockey I was so afraid that I wouldn’t like it and that I would have to continue the season in complete misery. My parents both told me before I signed up that if I didn’t like it I would have to finish the season out because I made a commitment to my team. My first game was kind of a disaster. My dad had told me that if I fell and got hurt that they would stop the game and help me, so every time I fell I just stayed down. Now, all the times I fell I was in no way hurt I just misunderstood my dad and thought that I wasn’t supposed to get up until the whistle was blown. I was nine; I wasn’t sure what I was doing.

Now, after my first game the season went a little smoother. I fell in love with the game and have been playing ever since. Eleven years I have enjoyed the full contact sport of hockey.

I started my first season being the only girl in an all boys sport, this was expected. My first team was not very accepting of me, neither were any of my future teams, of being a girl on a boys team. I was just as good as all the rest of the boys but no one seemed to want to give me a chance. Every season I would have to start all over again trying to prove myself to my own team that I could play just as well as they could. No one really liked having a girl on an all boys team but I didn’t care. It was just another opportunity to surprise people when I stepped out onto the rink and could play just as well as the boys. After the fist few games of every season my team usually started to accept me a more, it just took them a while to get used to the fact that they were playing with a girl.

Considering I started playing when I was nine years old, boys and girls were pretty evenly matched as far as height and strength. However, as I got older the boys started to get a little stronger and a little taller. When I was in about seventh grade is when I started to have to push a little harder and play a little tougher because all the boys started to grow. This didn’t bother me one bit, it made the game more interesting and more fun. I was still dealing with the obnoxious teenage boys that “can’t be beat by a girl” but I was used to it by this point. I was still playing roller hockey at this time. I loved the game more than anything at this point and refused to ever quit no matter what everyone else said.

Hockey is a full contact sport; everyone knows that, well boys tend to get a little frustrated when a girl is throwing them around in the corners to get the puck. I have on numerous occasions gotten into scuffles with other players because they don’t take kindly to my aggressiveness. The boys would always start yelling at me and eventually get into my face but I never got into an actual fight, I came close quite a few times though.

At the beginning of my freshman year in high school I had switched over to Ice hockey. Now, don’t forget that my two younger brothers have been playing hockey with me all these years also. My brothers had switched over from roller to ice about three years before I had. I was very upset by this because I had always played with the boys but my dad wouldn’t let me play ice with the boys. His reasoning for this was that ice hockey was full check and in roller hockey checking wasn’t allowed. I was more than ready to play full check, I love hockey because it is such an aggressive sport. My dad realized that the boys that I was playing with started to get a lot stronger than me as we got older and didn’t want me playing full check with them because he didn’t want me to get hurt. It is an understandable concern for a parent to have but I was still furious. When I finally did make the switch over to ice hockey I had joined a women’s league. This league was comprised mostly of adults but as long as you were sixteen you could play. I barely made the age marker to be able to play.

I was by far the youngest player in the entire league and the only one that actually knew how to play hockey. Most of the women that I played with were mothers or at least in their mid to late twenties. Most of them also were beginners and had never played hockey a day in their life. This aggravated me because I knew how to play the game. We also ran into problems due to the fact that the adult teams didn’t have any coaches to teach anyone how to play nor did we have practices. I stuck with the program because I just wanted to play hockey because I love the game so much. The women’s league ended up progressively getting better but still being a beginner league. At this point I had some competition but it was still a little slower than I was used to. It was a strange transition to go from playing with boys to playing with women. There was a lot less competition and the women were friendlier in all aspects of the game. I began to get used to the style of hockey that the women played and became a threat on the rink to the opposing team.

My parents and family have been more than supportive to me through out the past eleven years with my hockey career. They attend all my games and before I could drive my parents also provided transportation to and from practices and games. They also provided the funds for my equipment and ice/roller time.

I am still continuing to play in a women’s league but I am now also playing in a men’s league. The men’s league is an adult league so that means that there is no checking allowed, so I won’t get hurt. I still love the game as much as I did when I had first started playing if not more. I am on two teams now. The women’s league is actually a travel league and we play women from all over the state. The men’s league is a recreation league so we just play in house teams.

Most people are still surprised to find out that I play hockey. Then, when I tell them that I have played for eleven years they go on to ask where I am from. I tell them I am from Florida and they don’t believe me. Hockey is definitely a northern sport so for it to be such a large sport in Florida is surprising due to the heat. Florida is not exactly know for having ice arenas placed through out the state, but they are very much alive a kicking.

As I continue to play hockey in a men’s league Ihave discovered that even with age nothing changes. The people that I play with are grown adults and they still behave like children. The men still have it in their head that they are superior to women in the sports world. My team is made up of all women and we find ourselves coming in to this league and having to prove ourselves. We always have to prove to people that despite the fact that we are women we can play hockey, and we are good at it too. I don’t think that the struggle will ever end. Eleven years and every season it’s the same thing. We just had a game the other day and we won 6-1. The other teams are starting to respect us a little more now that we have won two out of our three games we have played.

The women’s travel league that I am currently playing on is made up of, obviously, the best women in the recreation leagues. There are eight “c” teams and ten recreational leagues within the travel league. All of these team are made up of women only. If anyone ever has the notion that women can’t play hockey all they have to do is come see one of our games and they will be singing a different tune. These teams are comprised of the best women in the state. We travel all over the state including Jacksonville, Ellenton, Miami, St. Petersburg, Kissimmee and many more. We usually have anywhere from three to five tournaments a year. After those tournaments we then continue on to states and nationals.

Women have been playing hockey for years in northern states but due to the fact that hockey was never really a well known sport in the tropical climate we live in, women are just now getting the chance to play. A lot of the women that I play with now are from up north. We have a few players from Canada, one from Boston, a few more from New York and others from various places. The younger girls that play are mostly from Florida but we have all been playing for over seven years at the least.

Hockey is a truly one of my passions. I will never forget the day my dad asked me if I wanted to play. It was the best decision I have ever made and I have never even came close to regretting it. Hockey is a type of therapy to me. When I have had a bad day, if I am stressed, aggravated, or mad I go out onto the ice and everything is ok. It takes my mind off everything else and all I think about is the game. Hockey is my passion.

It all started when I was about nine years old. I remember it like it was yesterday. I had just laid down to drift off into a dreamy slumber when my dad came into the room. At the time, I shared my bedroom with my older sister. He asked my sister and I if we would like to play Roller hockey (inline). Unbeknownst to what my answer would hold for my future I said “yeah, I’ll play.” My sister, not so athletically inclined, rejected the offer. The next week I signed me up for my first season at the local skating rink. The season before, my brothers had played. Because the game was in my family, I suppose it is no mystery that I became involved as well.

My first season playing hockey I was so afraid that I wouldn’t like it and that I would have to continue the season in complete misery. My parents both told me before I signed up that if I didn’t like it I would have to finish the season out because I made a commitment to my team. My first game was a disaster. My dad had told me that if I fell and got hurt, they would stop the game and help me, so every time I fell I just stayed down. Now, all the times I fell I was in no way hurt I just misunderstood my dad and thought that I wasn’t supposed to get up until the whistle was blown. I was nine years old and not sure what I was doing.

After my first game, the season went a little smoother. I fell in love with this sport and have been playing ever since. I have enjoyed the full contact sport of hockey for eleven years now. The first season that I played, I was the only girl in an all boys sport. None of the teams that I had played on were to content with my being a girl and playing on a boys team. I was just as good as all the rest of the boys but no one seemed to want to give me a chance. Every season I would have to attempt to prove that I was a good player to a new batch of kids. I could play just as well as they could. No one really liked having a girl on an all boys team but I didn’t care, it was just another opportunity to surprise people when I stepped out onto the rink and could play just as well as the boys. Usually after playing a few games with me, they would get used to the fact that they were playing with a girl.

Considering the fact that I started playing when I was only nine years old, boys and girls were pretty evenly matched as far as height and strength. However, as I got older the boys started to get a little stronger and a little taller. When I was in seventh grade, I had to play a little tougher because all the boys started to grow. This didn’t bother me one bit, it made the game more interesting and more fun. I was still dealing with the obnoxious teenage boys that “can’t be beat by a girl” but I was used to it by this point. I loved the game of roller hockey more than anything at this point and refused to ever quit, no matter what everyone else said!

Hockey is a full contact sport, most people know that. Boys tend to get frustrated when a girl is throwing them around in the corners to get the puck. I have on numerous occasions gotten into scuffles with other players because they don’t take kindly to my aggressiveness. The boys would always start yelling at me and eventually get into my face but I never got into an actual fight, I came close quite a few times though.

At the beginning of my freshman year in high school I had switched over to Ice hockey. My two younger brothers have been playing hockey with me for many years. They had switched over from roller to ice about three years before I had. I was very upset by this because I had always played with the boys but my dad wouldn’t let me play ice with the boys. His reasoning for this was that ice hockey was full check and in roller hockey checking wasn’t allowed. I was more than ready to play full check, I love hockey because it is such an aggressive sport. My dad realized that the boys that I was playing with started to get a lot stronger than me as we got older and didn’t want me playing full check with them because he didn’t want me to get hurt. It is an understandable concern for a parent to have but I was still furious. When I finally did make the switch over to ice hockey, I had joined a women’s league. This league was comprised mostly of adults but as long as you were sixteen you could play. I barely made the age marker to be able to play.

I was by far the youngest player in the entire league and the only one that actually knew how to play hockey. Most of the women that I played with were mothers or at least in their mid to late twenties. Most of them also were beginners and had never played hockey a day in their life. This aggravated me because I knew how to play the game. We also ran into problems due to the fact that the adult teams didn’t have any coaches to teach anyone how to play nor did we have practices. I stuck with the program because I just wanted to play hockey and I love the game so much. The women’s league ended up progressively getting better but still being a beginner league. At this point I had some competition but it was still a little slower than I was used to. It was a strange transition to go from playing with boys to playing with women. There was a lot less competition and the women were friendlier in all aspects of the game. I began to get used to the style of hockey that the women played and became a threat on the rink to the opposing team.

My parents and family have been more than supportive to me through out the past eleven years with my hockey career. They attend all my games and before I could drive, my parents also provided transportation to and from practices and games. They also provided the funds for my equipment and ice/roller time.

I still continue to play in a women’s league but I am also playing in a men’s league. The men’s league is an adult league so that means that there is no checking allowed, so I won’t get hurt. I still love the game as much as I did when I had first started playing if not more. I am currently on two teams. The women’s league is actually a travel league and we play women from all over the state. The men’s league is a recreation league so we just play in house teams.

Most people are still surprised to find out that I play hockey. Then, when I tell them that I have played for eleven years they go on to ask where I am from. I tell them I am from Florida and they don’t believe me. Hockey is definitely a northern sport so for it to be such a large sport in Florida is surprising due to the heat. Florida is not exactly know for having ice arenas placed through out the state, but they are very much alive.

As I continue to play hockey in a men’s league, I have discovered that even with age, nothing changes. The people that I play with are grown adults and they still behave like children. The men still have it in their head that they are superior to women in the sports world. My team is made up of all women and we find ourselves coming in to this league and having to prove ourselves. We always have to prove to people that despite the fact that we are women we can play hockey, and we are good at it too. I don’t think that the struggle will ever end. Eleven years and every season it’s the same thing. We just had a game the other day and we won 6-1. The other teams are starting to respect us a little more now that we have won two out of our three games played.

The women’s travel league that I am playing on is made up of the best women in the recreation leagues. There are eight “c” teams and ten recreational leagues within the travel league. All of these team are made up of women only. If anyone ever has the notion that women can’t play hockey all they have to do is come see one of our games and they will be singing a different tune. These teams are comprised of the best women in the state. We travel all over the state including Jacksonville, Ellenton, Miami, St. Petersburg, Kissimmee and many more. We usually have anywhere from three to five tournaments a year. After those tournaments we then continue on to states and nationals.

Women have been playing hockey for years in northern states but due to the fact that hockey was never really a well known sport in the tropical climate we live in, women are just now getting the chance to play. A lot of the women that I play with now are from up north. We have a few players from Canada, one from Boston, a few more from New York and others from various places. The younger girls that play are mostly from Florida but we have all been playing for over seven years at the least.

Hockey is a truly one of my passions. I will never forget the day my dad asked me if I wanted to play. It was the best decision I have ever made and I have never even come close to regretting it. Hockey is therapy to me. When I have had a bad day, if I am stressed, aggravated, or mad I go out onto the ice and everything is ok. It takes my mind off of everything else and all I think about is the game. Hockey is my passion!

Remixed by Amber Herko

Lisa's Narrative Remixed