Paul remixing James

Tampa's overcast skies shaded fans packing into their seats, heavily armed with anticipation. Anxiety thickened the air as more and more fans piled in, leaving few noticeable empty seats. Fans united in cheers and applause, occasionally rising to deafening tones.

The crowd silenced, with a common anticipation and fervor.

Suddenly and simultaneously, fans leaped from their seats, throwing hi-fives and hugs to complete strangers in celebration as a faceless voice came across the loudspeaker, "Touchdown Bulls!"

This scene on Saturday, Sep. 22 at Raymond James Stadium marked the University of South Florida's first touchdown as a nationally ranked team.

Less than four minutes into the game against the visiting North Carolina Tar Heels, the Bulls continued the momentum they established the previous week, a win at then No. 17 Auburn. Beating the Tigers at Jordan-Hare Stadium marked Auburn's first home loss since Sep. 3, 2005, and propelled the Bulls into the AP top 25 for the first time in school history.

On the ensuing Tar Heel possession, the defense compensated for the good field position the special teams allowed, forcing a Tar Heel punt. The offense followed-up with a drive ending in a 12-yard touchdown pass, their second score in less than nine minutes.

Up 14-0 with a lot of football left to play, fans exuded confidence, as the Bulls showed they meant business. Some experts suggested the Bulls would get cocky after their first national ranking. Others thought they might get caught looking ahead to No. 5 West Virginia. However, the Bulls scored early and often, ensuring nobody would catch them sleeping.

The Tar Heels got on the board early in the second quarter with a field goal, making it 14-3. Meanwhile, USF fans, encouraged about UNC struggling to put points on the board, saw the Bulls scoring basically at will.

At Auburn the previous week, the kicking game faltered, missing four field goals and making a close game even closer. The fan mindset leaned toward keeping the kicker on the sideline, knowing if the Bulls relied on kicking the door would open for the Tar Heels to get back into the game.

As Delbert Alvarado lined up for a Bulls field goal, fans pleaded, "Go for it," encouraging head coach Jim Leavitt to try for the first down, displaying their lack of faith in the kicking game.

That familiar silence took over the crowd, and when the ball left Alvarado's foot, the same cheers and hi-fives followed as the ball sailed through the uprights, putting the Bulls' lead back to 14. Another Alvarado field goal gave fans confidence in their kicker, and the Bulls a 20-3 halftime lead.

The overcast sky fell during halftime, spraying fans with flurries of rain. That did not deter fans from watching the Bulls compete their first win as a nationally ranked team. The crowed roared once again as players took the rain-soaked field for the second half.

Field conditions caused fumbles and dropped passes, but the Bulls persevered en route to a 38-10 win. The only touchdown the Bulls allowed came with under one minute left in the game, with victory essentially in the books.

For better or worse, rain or shine, the Bulls showed up against North Carolina, and so did the fans, the previous day's enthusiasm leaving their voices cracking and their ears ringing through Sunday night. It's only a game, unless you're there.

What I Think:

A well-written account of a fan experience and of a college football game, passivity was the most recognizable flaw in the writing. I did not even do that great of a job myself remixing it without passive voice because I was not at the event to describe it.

The goal is to make the reader feel like they are there, not like the were there, so active voice does that job.

I threw my own flavor in there a little bit, but only because that's how I write, not because there was anything wrong with the way you said it. Good narrative.

James' original narrative

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