What I based the grade on:

5 pts Was I interested? Did the narrative draw the reader in.

5 pts Mechanics: Structure, Format, and Grammar.

5 pts Clarity: Was the narrative easy to follow? Was there a clear direction the narrative was going?

5 pts Overall tone and message.

5 pts Completed the overall assignment: Remixes, Process, and Links.

Sugestions and Comments:

5/5 Was I interested? Yes. I like how you started off right off the bat making a connection with your readers. By starting your narrative with your personal experience had me hooked. I wanted to know more about your experience and what you had to say. I also felt like it was coming from a real and sincere place, that led readers to reflect upon their own journeys.

Good Opener:

"I am not the privileged kind. There is no limousine outside my house. There is no overload of cash in my pocket. My mom was a nurse for twenty years and my dad is an air condition technician. I am middle class person. I work to help put food on the table and use what money is left over to get my nails done. To keep some money in my pocket I eliminate some things. I try not to eat out so much. I don’t have my hair professionally done. I limit myself to one extracurricular activity. I don’t even really have a big social life because it costs too much. Thank goodness I have financial aid to pay for books and classes. I would one day want to have a little bit more money than the average person but there is no place I can go as a college student to learn how to budget money and still look good doing it. I find that being a college student is hard work. You are required to study, pass classes and graduate. The thing is there is lots of space in between those spaces. There are clubs and school activities that need to be paid for. Where on earth do you get the money?"

5/5 Mechanics: I not a grammar genius or anything, but everything seemed in place. The structure and format was pretty good. In the narrative you could clearly see the introduction, body, and the conclusion. From your introduction where you introduce us to your personal experience, where it takes you to the end, where you are coming up with a tool that will help other students.

5/5 Clarity: The flow of your narrative was on point and I could follow where you were taking your audience.

5/5 Overall tone and message: Your overall message was awesome because everyone could relate in some way or another. I also liked the fact that you came up with a resourceful way that can better assit the college student, as they find their path. Your tone was good, it was different from the tone you displayed in the remixes of your peers. It was neat to be able to compare and contrast the different tones in your writing. In your narrative you showed real vulnerability with more of a softer defining tone.

4/5 Completed the overall assignment: I'm sorry I had to dock a point, because I could not find your cover page.

TOTAL: 24/25

Nickel