Felesha's Narrative

My revised version is highlighted and enclosed in brackets.

I am not the privileged kind. There is no limousine outside my house. There is no overload of cash in my pocket. My mom was (had/has been a) a nurse for twenty years and my dad is an air condition technician. I am (a) middle class person. I work to help put food on the table and use what money is left over to get my nails done. To keep some money in my pocket I eliminate some things.(I eliminate some things to keep some money in my pocket.) I try not to eat out so (too) much. I don’t have my hair professionally done. I limit myself to on (only one) extracurricular activity.I don’t even really have a big social life because it costs too much. (I even don’t have a big social life as it costs too much.)Thank goodness!(Exclamation) I have financial aid to pay for (my) books and classes. I would one day want to have a little bit more money than the average but there is no place I can go as a college student to learn, how to budget money and still look good doing it.(One day I would like to have more money than an average person but there is, no place where I can go and learn as a college student how to budget and still look good.) I find that being a college student is hard work. You (are) required to study, pass classes and graduate. The thing is, (Comma) there is lots of space in between those spaces. There are clubs and school activities that need to be paid for. Where on earth do you get the money (So where on earth can you get the money to pay for all this?)

pardon the interruption but I must comment

I don’t need a limousine but I do want a car the works really well( I don’t need a limousine but I do want a car that really works) and a good, inexpensive place to take it, if something happens to it. I don’t need name brand clothes but I do want to look like I have name brand clothes on.( I don’t need branded clothes but I do want to look as if I am wearing designer brands.) Who has the best clothes at cheap prices? My living quarters does not have to cost one million dollars; I just want it to appear like I had a great interior designer. Who is going to give me the best deal on a computer? Who do I go to for the best places to eat? When am I going to have the social life I am searching for? I know that this sounds really superficial and very consumer driven, but people judge you no first appearances(but people judge you by your first appearance) and your style and how you conduct yourself as a young adult. So why should I be exempted form (from) the best when I know that the best can be achieved on limited means. I never really knew how much money I spent as a college student. It is not just lunch money and new school clothes. It is books and classes. It is housing and food. It is friends and boyfriends. Money is never yours once it is in your hand.

I have looked (I looked) and there is no site on the internet that mainly focuses (focuses mainly)on the life of a college student, this(which) would include money saving tips, because as we all know financial aid and mommy and daddy’s money can only go so far. So for starters let’s say,(Comma) I am a long way from home and I only have a little bit of money left from the above resources what do I do next? I need to find a job. I could stand and stare at the bulletin board or I could go on the (this) college website and it can direct me to a site that deals with jobs. Lucky for me, (Comma) this same site has places that can help me get any (some) sort of wheels that includes bikes, scooters, motorcycles, cars. It also showed (shows) me how to decorate my dorm room and clothing stores that help me save money. I am able to afford a computer and still be able to go to the movies on Friday night. I am (will be) truly impressed that the school care (cares)so much about me and (that ) they are really trying to make my college experience the best it can be. If colleges and universities jumped on this band wagon they could promote a good college lifestyle.

If I was in charge of the (this) site it would be called PENNY PINCHING COLLEGES. It would link to all (the) colleges and technical schools. I would call it Penny Pinching Colleges (College) because that (that’s) what we should be teaching college students. They should know how to save their money and get the most out of it. This may really help students avoid making major mistake like taking out to (too) many loans. Do not misunderstand, (Comma) sometimes loans are inevitable, and you have to take them. So that’s why this same site will show you were (where) to get the best loans. We will even tell you who it the best bank. (which is the best bank.) This site will help you pick out credit cards. We do not condemn credit cards because you need to build credit and building credit is a very important part of growing up. (No full stop needed just a comma), You (you) do not want to start off on the wrong foot once you leave college.(Full Stop) This site will not be only(not only be) dedicated to clothes and shoes.(No full stop comma), It will be a real functional learning tool. A site that will include an opinion forum and student(students) can post there own money saving tips. This site does (will) promote student cohesiveness. We will promote students to make sound decisions as they become full fledged adults. This site will encourage growth. It will not promote being so frugal that your (you are) scared to let any money go. It will promote honesty and truth. By this I mean that people won’t be afraid to say that they are rich. We will not promote bad-mouthing. We want every one to feel welcomed once they enter the (this) site. We want everyone who looks at the site to come out and say that we made a difference in them as a person but also productive citizens in (of) the world.

Felesha’s Narrative reminded me of wonderful poem that I recently read called Indulgence by Jeremy Riley.

I am one who loves indulgence yet strives for moderation.

I wonder about the future of my life.

I hear the voice of past inspirations stirring inside of me.

I see vast expanses of knowledge yet unknown.

I want the mind of a prophet.

I am one who loves indulgence.